In Between

Am I to seek what I desire,
or in faithfulness receive
the life to which I now aspire
as it makes its way to me?

Do you ever feel like you're constantly in transition?

Always aspiring to something new. Always anticipating the next step, the next destination, the next change. Always in between.

Does this mean we're simply living for the future? Unable to be still and be present wherever we are. Unable to feel like we belong anywhere, like we've arrived. Does everyone feel this way? Or only some, to whom inconsistency is a common part of life, and who have adopted the the song of Change as their permanent anthem?

Is this longing for belonging ingrained into our humanness? Are we always to feel homeless, until we finally arrive Home? I hope yes. Only because it would explain our failure to be faithful to the One who never changes. The one known as I Am- not merely I was, and certainly not I will eventually be.

Will we ever grasp the mystery of His Presence with us, in the infinite Now?...

Time after time we are told to "let go of the past". It's a phrase painted on the faces of the guilty as they ask for forgiveness, and threaded in the embrace of a friend after a bitter argument. It's written in letters of encouragement to those still grieving a lost opportunity, and commanded in the speeches of politicians offering empty promises of the future to come.

But sometimes I wonder why we don't hear as much talk about "letting go of the future". To me this is just as important as we strive to live in the moment, and something that's equally, if not more, challenging.

The challenge lies in achieving a balance- between apathy and obsession. And although these sound like two extremes, most of us find ourselves leaning towards one or the other when it comes to our attitude towards our future. Either we lose hope in our "dreams" completely, or we become so entangled in the pursuit of the life we have envisioned that we end up chasing after the things we only think we want, without allowing room for the things God has planned for us (outside of our knowledge) to pursue us.

As we strive to let go of our future to Him who holds it, we must learn to passively trust and actively wait. We must believe that it's something indelibly worth waiting for.

No eye has seen,

No ear has heard,

No mind has conceived

What God has prepared for those who love Him. (1 Corinthians 2 :9)